Chewing the Crud

Wednesday, 1st August, Semliki Time: 7:26pm

Considering that so many animals and insects flit and fly around it, the jungle seems to be quite free of yummy things to each. Maybe us folks at the top of the food chain are a bit picky, but the Saba florida munched by the chimps is a bit too sour for my tastes and everything else either wriggles away, bites or is made of indigestible plant cellulose. Without going away and putting a concerted effort into evolving several more stomachs or a large caecum, I think I’d have considerable trouble living as a hunter gatherer and it's a wonder that humans managed to do it for more than 99% of our history.

Still, today, I did give hunter-gathering a shot. Just a try, mind you. Just a we dabble. As we were squelching through a thicket in our rainy-season sodden walking boots (the waterproofing helps keep water in in these conditions) my guide, Moses, pointed to a though looking thorny green vine that was hanging in front of the path. I almost managed to pop a thorny stem in my mouth before Moses grabbed my arm and shook his head. Nono! You eat the roots. Well, of course! He pulled out the bayonet of his Automatic Kalashnikov and set to work removing the soil from the base of the unfortunate plant.

After a thorough rinse in not-quite-opaque water the dish was ready to be eaten. The taste was somewhat indescribable, but I’ll try. The first flavour that hit you was a little like sucking the dirt off a pine cone. About half a second later, this was replaced by a taste not unlike marzipan with a hit of liquorice and a dash of peppermint. Then the plant started to taste like those artificial sugar lumps that you put in coffee if you’re weight conscious or diabetic and, finally, the taste was overwhelmed by the slightly unpalatable sensation of chewing fibrous grit. After you’d swallowed, a cold, lingering ghost of the flavour stayed on the tongue for a good five minutes.

I was unable to elicit the name of this peculiar creeper – Moses only knew it in his local language- but apparently its sold at markets and eaten by chimps. If anyone knows the species that I spent half an hour munching perplexedly, spill the beans, do.